So, I read this book last year while I was coping with some rather serious issues, and it almost entirely (single-handedly) wrought me from them. I was cleaning out my closet yesterday and I found a list of points that I made that I had taken from the book as the most helpful and crucial examples, and I thought these would be good to share with you all here, so I’m just going to dive right into that.
First, two quotes he included in his book;
“To see what is in front of one’s face requires a constant struggle.” – George Orwell
“All truths are easy to understand once they are discovered; the point is to discover them.” – Galileo Galilei
Now, to business. (note that these are bullets I made about points he made. they are not direct quotes in their entirety.)
- Sometimes, you just feel bad. Feeling bad doesn’t mandate that you feel good, or get over it immediately.
- You only ever have to feel better than the moment. When something saddens you, you needn’t change your life to accommodate it.
- Figure out how you feel first. Don’t take action until you know the situation.
- Don’t lie to yourself; affirmations are dishonest. When has it ever helped you to lie to yourself? When you feel upset, how much does it help to hear yourself say “I am not upset, I am a happy person, I am strong and yadda yadda yadda?” The point that he makes is that you’re supposed to be your own last line of defense; you are supposed to be the one person you can trust. Don’t lie to yourself.
- Hearing true words can help.They don’t have to be positive ones. The example he used is a person noticing another person’s depression and saying to them “Hey, I’ve been there. I don’t really have a point, I just wanted to let you know that.”
- Truth = accuracy, not “belief“
- The feeling of being optimistic relies solely on your feeling in control of your life. You cannot let your past be in control.
- analyze exactly why it is that you feel the way that you do, and about what.
- Feelings are something you have, they are not something that you are.
- Negative feelings need release. They don’t just go away on their own. Cry when you are sad, let it out when you are angry. Sadness can become depression, anger can become resentment. Find healthy and safe ways to release these feelings.
- Life has no itinerary. People seem to believe that they are owed things, like a dream career and a perfect family and a house on a hill. Don’t have unrealistic expectations, and certainly don’t base your happiness around them.
- Try getting out more. Go further than you usually would. It’s unrealistic to expect to meet someone who shares your daily routine.
- Never ever ever try to impress someone by being someone who you are not.
- If you want to meet your soul mate, you must first expose your soul. You must express your self, your opinions, your interests. You must get out of your house and stop sheltering yourself.
- You cannot make a mistake on a date with the right person for you.
- Stop thinking that you need to lose weight.
- Do not associate being “thin” with being “happy.”
- You manufacture beauty within your mind. Do not let others tell you what is beautiful.
- Nobody can listen to your thoughts. You must be verbose to receive understanding.
- Self-pity is the bestiality of emotions. It absolutely disgusts people. You have to remember that all of us are dealing with our own demons, and that walking around announcing that you are incapable of dealing with them is not something people want to be reminded of, especially not when most are fighting through their issues on their own.
- Take responsibility for everything; even if it is not your fault. Pointing fingers and laying blame will not resolve anything. Instead, YOU be the person to begin picking up the pieces and bringing resolution to the conflict.
- Life will move forward without you if you are waiting for someone else to fix it.
- Confidence is not the presence of anything; it is an absence of how much you care about what other people think. It is NOT a measurable substance that some people have and others do not.
- *Trying* to feel confident won’t work. You just have to be confident. Stop “trying.”
- behave like you regularly would and you will be confident.
- Seeing the truth in things means look at everything for the first time, every time. Every person you meet, every situation that arises, you must look at all of these things objectively and without bias.
- Try ending your life. Ending your life does not mean death; it means beginning anew. You can always just go, you can always leave and start fresh.
- There is always some amount of dishonesty at the heart of happiness.
- You cannot be a prisoner of your past against your will; you can only live in the past within your own mind.
- “Heal” is a television word. Stop having the perspective that troubles will go away and your slate will be cleaned and start thinking of how you can overcome your issues and then subsequently learn from your experience.
- Stop waiting for fairness. Again, nobody is owed anything.
- You need no-one’s apology or permission to move on with your life.
- Finally, to live with regret and to change nothing is to miss the point entirely. Life is about gratitude and humility. We cannot attain these things if we never suffered hardship.
Please, please, please read this book. These bullets I have made about points given to you within it are only a quarter of the wondrous experience you receive whilst actually reading the book. Augusten Burroughs has an amazing sense of humor and will brighten your life, even if you do not feel like you suffer from any of the issues he covers within his book (which I doubt sincerely, but if you truly don’t, go you!)
Regularly scheduled posts about exploring the universe will follow soon.
I hope this post has helped you in some way.
For an excellent coping blog, give this one a look.
People of the Universe 